10 Ways to turn couple conflicts into intimate connections
It's tough when conflict arises in your most important relationship. Emotions are heightened and feelings are easily hurt. A marriage counselor and psychotherapist provides some great tactics to learn for turning your conflicts into intimate connections.
Focus on managing your conflicts, not eliminating them. Research shows that over 60 percent of problems in long-term relationships are never solved. Instead of trying to win the argument, focus on understanding each other and working toward compromise.
When your partner is upset or annoyed, be willing to listen without getting defensive, and to use your imagination. What is it like to be in a relationship with you? Picturing yourself in your partner's shoes can help you develop empathy. Read More
Agree on a "safe word" either of you can use to call a time-out when you are feeling overwhelmed in an argument. Often couples choose a word that is random or even funny, like "elephant." When you use your safe word, agree on a time when you will resume talking. Read More
When you're upset, invite your partner to problem-solve with you. Rather than criticizing, mention your concern in a neutral tone and suggest the two of you brainstorm a solution that will work for both of you. Read More
Plan your arguments. When you want to discuss a hot topic, ask yourself whether you and your partner have had enough positive interactions recently to sustain a tough conversation. Tell your partner you would like to schedule a time to discuss something difficult.
Your most important tool in managing conflict is your capacity to soothe yourself. When you're angry with your partner, take a walk, a shower or a yoga class until you are ready to connect more calmly. Read More
Avoid putdowns of your partner like "I can't believe you're upset about this." She or he is vulnerable with you because your relationship is so important. Bringing up a concern is a sign you matter. Read More
When you're so angry at your partner that you can hardly get the words out of your mouth, don't try. Instead of escalating the argument, wait a beat.
When a conflict arises between you and your partner, recognize it as an opportunity for greater understanding and intimacy. Each time you work together on a hot topic without saying hurtful things, you build a stronger relationship.
